Crushed.

I knew it was too good to be true. I knew that I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew I should have waited until it was actually HAPPENING to say anything. I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW. But no. Instead I let my guard down, and wouldn't you know, the day AFTER I let my guard down, all hell breaks loose? Yep. Should have seen it coming. It's how life always works around here. Its how things work EVERY time we get things rolling. One step forward ten steps back.

If you haven't guessed already I'm talking about house stuff. I've been sitting on the plans Todd came up with, and not been sharing them with anyone, because I didn't really know that it could happen. But we got the go ahead to meet with the contractor, so I let my guard down, and I let myself get excited, and think it might actually happen. That was April first. How ironic. A great big ol April fools joke on me I guess.

Todd came home last night and said he had something to tell me that was going to make me mad. Great. Always love a conversation that starts out with "i have something to tell you, and I know its going to make you mad." I was in a pretty crummy mood to begin with since the kids are just being trouble lately, and it really it taking an extra amount of brain power to keep them in line, and out of trouble. But I told him to lay it on me. I stood there, braced against the chair, already seconds from tears, knowing I really couldn't handle any more after the last couple of days (maybe I'll update about Dallas's Tuesday later, and his trip to stop and learn for being bad in not one, but THREE classes). So he layed it on me. And nope. I wasn't ready. Still am not ready. And frankly, I'd much rather rewind to Monday, when we thought all was right with the world.

we've been going round with house stuff for almost a year now. (as far as putting an addition on or redoing the house, etc.) And in that time, we were told from our financial source in the family "you guys need to figure out what you want to do, and then we'll go from there." Well, we did. About 6 months ago we decided that we're going to go with the re do the house thing. We aren't keen on the area, but the school is good, and Todd's brother and his family just moved in down the road. So, we said we'd make it work for those reasons. And that we COULD make it work, providing we had a house that worked for us. Hence the plans we came up with. So, we've been going round and round with the contractor, who is a family friend and also the man my Todd was named after. Todd called him yesterday, and this is when everything took a nose dive.

It turns out that our financial provider has decided that we need to wait till some other family is in town, and then there is going to be a huge meeting where our financial provider wants to talk to a financial planner, and a mortgage guy, and see if there is any way that we could "walk away' from this house, and get a different one.

You realize what this means they're asking us to do right? They're asking us to willingly walk away from this house, and let it go into foreclosure, and get a new house. I'm SO not ok with that. I want NO part of it, I want NOTHING to do with it.

I was crushed. And the hardest part is that Todd is totally cool with it because he's willing 'to do whatever it takes to get our family to a better point.'


I've spent way too much time in tears, and I feel like a total ass for sharing the house plans, and getting excited, etc.

Todd says not to get down, because we don't know, we could still be looking at doing those plans. But i have a feeling we're not. And I have a feeling its going to get to a point where I'm not going to have a say, and that they're just going to do this. My name isn't on the mortgage for this house, and wouldn't be for a new house, so they could totally do this without my consent. And it scares the crap out of me.

I've been praying. So far no clear answers. But I'll keep with it, and hope that I can figure out what I'm supposed to do.