Blessings. . . .but also a curse?

You know those things in life, that on any given day you'd count as a blessing? The ones that usually don't get to you, and you enjoy? Well, I've come to find that some of those blessings can also be a curse. And its something I've been struggling with lately. I know part of it is because I've been under a lot of stress lately with my kids, and starting school and all that that entails. But it doesn't make the struggle any less!!!

The first one that I'm talking about is all the neighborhood kids. We live on the corner of two semi busy streets. We have a four way stop out front. And for the most part my kids are SUPER with the set up. They know they're allowed to ride their bikes on the sidewalk only, in front of our house, and Todd's brother's house (which is right next door. We are the only two houses on the end of the block. So its pretty safe!). They know that they're allowed to play in our yard, and next door, again at Todd's brothers house. They've been GREAT about it all summer. They've enjoyed the little bit more freedom that has come with living here and having a much less busy road than where we were before. They've enjoyed the summer with playing with their cousins, and getting outside. They even enjoyed helping take down the two big trees in our front yard. They've had a great summer, outdoor wise. And I would truly consider that a blessing. My kids can have some freedom, yet there home and around, and I know where they are. I consider that an even bigger blessing.

The side of that that's feeling like a curse right now, is both a blessing and a curse. We have several kids around us. And we are the house that everyone decides to play at. We are the house they come ringing the door bell at. We are the ones that get saddled with the extra kids to keep an eye out for. The kids who come age anywhere from age 11, down to age 3. And on any given day its not a problem at all. There are several different cultures mixed in there as well. Its been kind of fun for the kids to experience. And they really enjoy having kids other than just our little 4 pack to play with. But there's a BUT with this all!!!!!

The BUT in all of that, is what about the days where I'm not in the mood to keep an eye on all the neighborhood kids? What about the days where I want to just let my dogs out and go back in to hang out with my kids? What about the days where I don't want to have to be "on" all the time? Or the days where I tell them that my kids are getting ready for bed and can't come out, and they still continue to ring the door bell over and over and OVER again because they don't speak very clear English and I'm not sure they're fully understanding me? What about the times where I just want to enjoy a simple bonfire with my kids, and not have every single kid in the neighborhood looking to have a s'more too? What about the days where I have company of my own, and don't want to have all the kids around looking to get into the line and eat with us???? These are the times I'm struggling with!!!

I told Todd the other day that I think its SUCH a blessing to have our house be THE house. Because that means that I never have to worry or wonder about my kids. They're all HERE, they're not begging to go elsewhere, because elsewhere always comes to them. And I've really enjoyed getting to know the neighborhood kids. There really is a great group of kids here. And I'm thankful that my kids have the opportunity to have friends like that where they didn't before.

But again, there's that BUT!!! I can't simply let the dogs out to go potty any more. Because someone is ALWAYS watching our door. And the second it opens there in our yard looking to play. That then distracts the dogs from their job at hand and we're out there even longer. Which then affords MORE kids the chance to come over and try to play . .. .are you seeing the cycle here????

My sister in law and I were talking. Because the kids will often stray to her sand box or swing set too. And I guess the one day our closest neighbor went looking for her 3 year old girl. The family behind us is Hmong and they are kind of hard to understand. She asked my sister in law if she was the one who did day care. Sara told her "no, that's next door." So she looked at her daughter and said in Hmong, with pointing, so that Sara caught the just of it, that it wasn't ok for her to be at Sara's, and instead she should be at my house. . . simply because I have a day care. And this has become apparent from some of the older Hmong kids as well. They're allowed to play at my house (this is coming from their own mouths) because "there's a day care here". Yes, there IS a day care here. . . .but my day care consists of my own four children, my 5 month old little guy, and one of the neighbor kids who's going into 5th grade. Those are the ones that have the OK to be here for daycare. Those are the ones that are paying for my time, effort, energy. Those are the ones that I'm responsible for.

My problem isn't the money. My problem is the assumption that I will be ok letting the kids be here. My problem is that they just assume that the kids can have free reign of my house. My problem is that they aren't telling their kids its NOT ok to just walk into my house. And no matter how many times I'VE told them that its not ok to just walk in, and that if they're here to play they need to stay OUTSIDE, it just doesn't get through.

I know each area will have its issues. . . .but when the problem is this invasive so that I don't feel like I get any ME time, or any MY FAMILY time, becaus there's always someone waiting in the wings to pounce. .. its hard.

My second blessing and a curse has to do with my husband. And with this one I tread really fine water. Because its about his first love. . ..his music. I am so blessed to have such a talented husband. One who can play almost any instrument. One who has a true passion for music, the arts, and performing. And when I say it was his first love, I genuinely mean that. And I'm so glad that he has so many opportunities to participate. He currently plays three Sunday's a month at church with different teams. Which means Sunday mornings, but also means Wednesday nights. He plays with a small "oldies" group. They play random things and don't usually require much by way of practice. He's gotten to do some very cool things with that group, such as playing at local ball games, etc. And he's also with an outreach group from church. This is the one that he clicks the most with. They do a lot of the style of music he loves and he has a good time with them. This is the one that he's gone to the recording studio with, as well as recorded stuff for TV. And I know that he loves every single second of it.

Now, the reason I tread the fine water is because sometimes I get sick of the constant GO GO GO of it all. It seems to go in phases. Sometimes there's nothing, and he misses it. And other times there's SO much going on and he's gone all the time. And that can get very very hard on me. Being a stay at home mom is wonderful, but I NEED that break and help in the evening. Or I'll lose my mind! And when he's gone with stuff all the time I don't get that break. I don't get that down time. I think the hardest part of all of that is that he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand that I'm always here, always "on". He doesn't realize that I feel like a single mom a lot of the time in his busy times. I feel like its just me and the kids, and he gets to come home and sleep and go back at it again. So while I know its a blessing, because he's doing what he loves. . . its a curse because I get SO burnt out.

This topic comes on top of the fact that he's entering a busy season. Music, drama at church, projects to help people with, etc. And I know I'll be entering a super crazy time for me with the boys in school, the twins entering preschool, day care, the dogs, etc. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with it all. . . .


Now, all that being said. . .yes, the blessings WAY outnumber the curses. And I'm so thankful for my husband, my kids, and our life. I just needed to get some of that off my chest.