Telling the kids proved to be a lot harder than I thought it would.

I didn't expect it to be so hard to tell the kids about the bird being dead. They weren't especially close to her, and in most instances they didn't like her out of her cage because she flew (couldn't clip her wings because of the dogs!) and then she'd land on them. And then of course they wanted to pet her, and she wanted no part of it. I expected a few tears, or a few "why did she die?" questions. . . but what wound up happening I didn't expect at ALL!

The last time they had to "deal" with a death they were too little to really understand what was actually going on. Dallas was only 18 months, and Gabe was just a few weeks old. That was when Todd's grandpa died. There have been a select few other distant family members that have passed away in the inbetween but the kids were never brought along to the funeral. They didn't know the person well, if at all, so we didn't feel it necessary to expose them to all the emotions that people were feeling when they wouldn't really understand. So, knowing that there may be a few tears I waited until Todd got home.

We Sat all four kids down together and Todd began talking to them. He started the talk with asking if they knew what happens to everything as it gets old (even though the bird was only about 10 years old, and they can live to 40 and beyond, we opted for the age answer to why). The only one of the kiddos who got the explination was Gabriel. He answered with "they die?" In a very questioning way. Todd then asked them if they knew what happened to things when they die. And in unison they all said "Go to Heaven". Todd then broke the news to them about Charolette. The twins didn't understand at ALL at first. Gabriel seemed to understand but didn't seem much for showing his emotions, and Dallas immediatly began to sob. Uncontrollable sobs. My heart just broke. I sat with him, and talked with him as Todd kept talking to the other kids. Todd asked the kids what they would like to do. Did they want to help pick a spot to burry her? Should we put her in a shoe box before that? And the answer to both was yes. I hadn't done anything with the bird other than to cover her cage, figuring we'd want to do something like that with the kids. Just as we were getting ready to go outside, Dallas said "this means we'll never get to see Charolette again. We'll never get to have her here again." And that is the point that it hit Kaleb and Kendyl. They BOTH started sobbing. Kaleb almost uncontrollably. He just kept saying "I'm going to miss my bird". Kendyl cried more quiet tears. Gave several loud sniffles, and headed outside.

Both of the boys asked to see her. So Todd put her in the shoe box and let the boys look. They looked at her, and inspected her closer than they've ever been able to before, becuase she was always on the move. Both boys gave her a little pet, and were surprised by how soft she was.

After Todd had the hold dug in the spot that the kids picked (right outside the boys' window well) Kaleb took the box and put it in. He didn't want anyone else to do it, HE wanted to do it. He told us "I have a magic touch. I'm going to make charolette come back alive." It was heartbreaking to watch.

After she was burried, the kids all kind of looked around like "what do we do now?" That's when the "why did she die" questions and the "can we get another bird and name her Charolette" questions started. We addressed each one, and headed inside to finish making dinner.

Kendyl came in and asked if she could call Grandma. That's usually what she does when she's upset. I'd given my parents, and Todd's parents a heads up that this might be coming. So Kendyl called my mom and choked out that charolette had died, and just cried on the phone with Grandma for a little while. She seemed to feel a little better after that. Kaleb asked to talk to her as well, but his sobs became more uncontrollable the more he talked about it.

While I was getting the kids settled down to eat Todd took the cage and stand out to the garage and put it in the rafters. He was hoping that the out of site, out of mind philosophy might help some.

The boys still woke up this morning a little teary about the whole thing, but I think the worst of it is past. I certainly wasn't expecting it to hit them as hard as it did. I've never had to face death through a childs eyes before, and I can tell you that it is much harder than dealing with a loss on your own. My childrens hearts were broken, and that just shattered mine to pieces.

Some days its really hard to be a mom.