Drama. . . like high school girls teen gossip drama. And I'm SICK of it!!! Seriously. And what makes me even more sick of it? Is the person that its coming from. You'd think this person would be old enough now to NOT have to do this crap. To NOT have to tear someone down to feel good about themselves, but I guess not.
Things with my mother in law have been strained since the day I married Todd. We used to get along great, but apparently there was something about me MARRYING Todd that didn't agree with her, and things have just never been the same since. I've always felt like she was mad at me for "taking her baby." Since Todd is her youngest, and how she still treats him, it just seemed to fit. I don't know for sure, but its my theory.
Anyway, fast forward over the years. There have been incidents of her sending me emails meant for other people, usually her sisters. She'll send them, and then realize she sent it to the wrong person, and back track by leaving messages saying "don't open that, it isn't for you." Or calling Todd to try to get him to head me off at the pass. Umm, yeah, didn't work. One was while I was pregnant with Dallas and on bed rest, and I had refused her being down there ALL. THE. TIME. She wanted to be in control, and I just didn't need her there. She sent one to her sister saying " I know she's young and pregnant, but I just want to slap her." Yeah. Didn't speak directly to her for 6 months after that one.
Then we fast forward to the start of all this house stuff. Todd had made a comment that "if Jamie could make this house work and be happy, than I'd be happy." (meaning the 1,000 sq foot house we're currently living in and are miserable!) This apparently opened the flood gate for the "trash on Jamie" Olympics. Because for the next TWO MONTHS all Todd heard was trash talk from her about me. It included things like "She's just an unhappy person and you'll never be able to fix that." or "I think you guys need to go to therapy to discuss your marriage because obviously there's issues." This is coming from a woman who sees us together MAYBE once a month? MAYBE? This coming from the same woman who's tried many many things to drive a wedge in our marriage. I have a feeling its so that we would be as miserable in ours as she is in hers. (another long story. She loves her husband, but there are issues) And its NEVER worked. Todd and I are way too strong for that. Always have been. And the kicker of that last bout was that I wasn't supposed to know about any of it. She told Todd in "confidence", and expected him not to tell me. Ummm, yeah. What kind of marriage would we have if we didn't talk about EVERYTHING like we do? Todd asked me not to say anything to her about it, because it would hinder the house buying process (a story I have yet to actually disclose) and he didn't want to do that.
So, I sucked it up yet again, and just had to deal with it. And now, we fast forward to this last weekend. I walked into Church and found a spot in my usual side, so that when Todd is done playing drums he can get to me easily and we can sit together. His mom and Grandma got up from where they were, to come sit by me. As the music is going, she leans over and hands me a check for 150.00 "so that I can take Gabe to the doctor." She then proceeds to tell me that she feels like I'm doing nothing short of torturing my son because I haven't taken him to the doctor for the pooping issues. And, because we're in Church, I can't say two peeps about it. I had to work nursery after that service, so I didn't get to say anything. The rest of Sunday was busy, so was Monday. Last night Todd's Aunt comes over for her weekly visit. This is my mother in law's sister. I ADORE her. She's awesome. She's always told me that she knows what its like to live with her sister, and if I ever need to talk, know that she's a safe place to talk. I've often said to my mom, that I wish she were my mother in law, vs. who I DO have for a mother in law. Just because we click.
That brings me to the conversation last night. I told her about the drama from Sunday and how much that bothered me. Todd's aunt then began to tell me something, like it was something I already knew. So I just listened, and bit back my emotions. Apparently my mother in law told Todd's Aunt that she feels we treat our children unfairly. And that if it were Dallas with these pooping issues that we'd have had him into the doctor and checked out and a solution found. She all but called me a bad mom. And that ladies and gentlemen is where I draw the line. As I told Todd's aunt, we're doing everything the doctors told us to do. We're working on getting him regular, so that we can rule that out as part of the problem. I sit for 20 minutes EVERY NIGHT on the bathroom floor with him trying to get him to go, so that he doesn't get too backed up. I'm TRYING. To make that kind of a generalization about me or my family without even knowing the real truth is just INSANE to me. She really has no clue!!!
Todd and I talked about it last night after he got home. I guess she laid into him on Sunday too about it between church services, but this was the first chance we could talk together about it. She said everything to him just like she did to me. And he told her that she was DEAD wrong. And that he thinks we're doing a really good job of raising out children, and that she doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm so proud of him for sticking up for us like that. We've decided to give her back her check, even though it would pay for an appointment should we need to make one, we just don't want her money. Not like that. No way no how.
Its just funny to me. My mom rags on me (in a good natured way) that I'm too fair with my kids. If one gets something, they all get it (within reason of course!). Like if one kid gets a prize for something great at school, or a reward of going to dinner or something, we go as an entire family, not just one kid. I think we're building family bonds, and my mom just sees it as being too fair, and not giving enough to just the individual child.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't I guess.
Sorry for being rambly and negative again. This stuff has just been eating at me lately, and i needed to get it out.
3 comments:
Boy, can I relate to MIL issues! We never had a very good relationship before the twins were born, but then when they were a couple months old, we all had a big falling out over something we asked her NOT to do with the babies and she did, then was mad at us for asking her not to do it again (loooong story too). We didn't talk to see each other for quite a while. Various arguments came and went over the next year and nothing major has happened lately, but I get very anxious when I know we have to see her (like serious upset stomach, etc). Where my parents are sooo supportive and understanding about all we do, she is completely not and if we aren't doing things the way she thinks we should, then we're doing it wrong. End of discussion. She's told me my kids smell like dogs. That I'm a bad mom. That its no wonder I "teach those retarded kids." Yup...seriously...that was the last straw for me. My parents live over an hour away, my sister over 2 hours and my kids know and LOVE them very much. Yet my MIL lives 10 minutes away, we see her less often, and my kids still don't know who she is and are afraid of her when she visits or we go there until they warm up to her.
Don't you just love in laws?? Yeah for hubbies that stand up for us though!! :-) Hang in there!!
UGH! Your MIL sounds just like some of my inlaws (esp. the part about sending the wrong emails...)
Hang in there jamie!!!!
I've been a little scarce, and just getting to read some of these entries now. So sorry to hear about all these MIL issues. My parents went through the same thing, and eventually my dad had to tell his mom "if you're going to make me choose between my wife and my mother, i WILL choose my wife." That worked, and she started behaving better. (or civil, at least) Hopefully Todd's defense makes her back down in a similar way. Good for him! As if life isn't hard enough, some people have to make it worse. Whatever. I hope it gets better.
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